Is talking allowed?

In my entire life, I've had 3 massages. The first was on my honeymoon. It was a couples massage. I was in a towel next to my wife. There was snickering and for me awkward. It scarred me for many years. The 2nd was during my first trip to China. The man spoke no English and literally just sort of rubbed my back for an hour the way my mom used to when I was a kid. Just last week, I had the 3rd. This was by far the best massage however it took a turn for the weird about 15 minutes into it. Here's how it went:

Other man getting his massage: "Can you say I want a hamburger"

Mind you it was dead quiet, nice soothing music and he blurts this out of the blue. I immediately wondered if I should just run. But I stayed.

Other man: "Please say I want a hamburger, you know like McDonald's. I want a hamburger"
Female masseuse: blank stare
Other man: "I want a hamburger"
Female masseuse: blank stare with an embarrassed smile and a slight embarrassed giggle.

At this point I'm freaking out. I don't know if this dude is dreaming or if he actually wants his female Chinese masseuse to say she wants a hamburger or if he is asking her on a date. Which if he was is a really awful and random time to ask someone and probably shouldnt' come out like he has turrets.

My Masseuse rattles off something in Chinese to the female masseuse and the two of them start laughing quite loud.

The female masseuse then reluctantly says in a super soft voice "hamburger?" To which the man says yes and then just doesn't respond again. This brings out a very awkward silence where I was literally saying to myself "what the heck?" Because at this point I now wanted to know why he was having her say this. It made absolutley no sense and reminded me of just how different people are and how often they dont' have a clue about social norms.

The normal appropriate quiet resumes for a few minutes and I start to settle down. Jimmy, my masseuse starts to rub my ears and proceeds to pop blood vessels in each one leaving my ears to look like they had chicken pocks.

Then again randomly the other guy says how he really wants to go to China and actually tries to speak a little bit of Chinese. This time no one answered and it seems he got the point and quiets down. I glanced upwards and the two masseuse are now looking at each other and sort of smiling in a condescending way...as though they are saying to each other "this guy's crazy".

I did quite enjoy my massage however I ask, should talking be permitted at all when the room is dark, candle lit, smells of lovely fragrance and there is soft music in the background? I think not at all...

BOB

Regret

It's a hard thing to live with. On the flight over to London yesterday I sat reading the 1st of 3 books written about Theodore Roosevelt. It stirred some feelings in me that I knew were there but for some reason didn't want to address. Fear maybe for what I would find if I did. The main feeling was regret. I pictured as I read the words by this author about the boy Teddy Roosevelt and the amazing things he did with his Dad from hunting, fishing, wrestling, trips to Europe, Middle East, Africa and the pages of wise counsel Teddy Senior would give to his son. The way Teddy Senior raised Junior was to let him be more free instead of trying to contain him. To let him explore and learn and not prescribe a future way of life for him but rather guide and counsel. There were rules and Teddy Senior only had to enforce them every so often to keep all the kids in line.

I've realized I am not this way. I honestly think I take the easy way out. When my children want to try something new, I tell them "No". I often don't give in on any little things ever. I push them into a prescribed pattern of life which suits me better than them, that I fear is cramping their desires to learn, explore and try new things. This has nothing to do with the way I was raised. My parents did have rules but as I reflect back they gave me an amazing amount of freedom to explore and try new things, all within reason. I don't feel like I do that remotely enough for my kids.

My feeling regret doesn't come from me not being involved enough with them. I coach the soccer and baseball teams, I play games, wrestle, read, pretend, laugh, hug, run, hide, joke, console, nurture, counsel and genuinely enjoy spending time with my boys. Despite all this I still have a nasty feeling that in one area of raising my children, a rather important area, I am taking the easy way out. I say "No". I hate this word. HATE it.

The other day, Matt asked for a fruit snack. It was about an hour before dinner so I said "No". He started crying, then the other boys wanted a fruit snack so then it was 3 against 1. I was the bad guy. I told them all "no". Why? Because I could? I hope not. Because I didn't want to get my lazy keester off the couch? Maybe. Or because it's become my way of parenting? Perhaps. I think what irks me the most is my inability to think of a creative solution for them. Hindsight is always great and I realized I simply could have done several things differently instead of just saying no and sending them on their defeated way.

This was but one example where I have resorted to the word "no". It's easy, simple and because I'm Dad my decision stands. Bobby is 6 and a half and soon will get to a point where other things interest him more than me. The twins who seemingly copy all Bobby does will more than likely follow suit sooner than I would like. I know without any doubt that I will feel regret for the rest of my life if I don't change this aspect about how I raise them.

I need to be more creative, get them out more, spend more quality time teaching them than letting the world teach them. I need to be better, more focused on their creative side and allow them to express themselves. After all, it was only a fruit snack. It wouldn't have spoiled dinner. They would have offered to share some with me as they always do. I'm in a pattern that needs a course correction.

I won't be able to live with regret in this one area so I commit to change it now. My time with them is short and I fear I've wasted too much.

BOB

Luv u and the boys!

Anyone who know me knows that I travel a lot for work. I realized something the other day which caused a bit of reflection on my part while on a plane ride to Florida. Every single time I am sitting on an airplane that is about to take off, I text the following phrase to my wife "Luv u and the boys!". Even if I have multiple connections in the same day I still do this. I was trying to think of a time when I had not done this and not a single time has come to mind. I'm not really sure how or when it started either. I just know that before any airplane takes off, I MUST send this text to my wife. I am not the type of person that feels a particular plane ride may be my last one due to a crash or something like that but, for some reason I feel compelled to tell my wife that I love her and the boys before every single flight. No matter where I am in the world and even if time zones might not agree with my wife, I still send it.

I am very blessed to have the family I have. My wife is absolutely amazing and I adore her. I love my boys and just love being their dad. I get no greater joy than being with them and watching them grow and learn to make right decisions.

Luv u and the boys!

BOB

His Royal Highness

I've spent this past week working in London. I really do love this country. I'm fascinated by their life styles. This has been a normal business trip except for on Monday, Prince William announced his engagement to Kate Middleton. I've never given the British Royal family much attention before...never really cared for that matter. But this announcement has literally taken this country by storm. There are 12 channels in my hotel room on the TV. At one point, every single channel, including the sports channels were showing coverage of the engagement announcement. Every newspaper you can think of had their picture on it. Suffice it to say, this is positivley received news for a country that is actually making tough choices to cut government spending. (hopefully Obama reads this and takes note)

I started innocently asking questions about the royal family and much to my surprise, most of the people in the office and my hotel really have no idea how the Royal family operates, why they carry the titles they do e.g. Duke of Edinburgh, Duchess of Gloucester, the Earl of Wessex, etc. This only peaked my curiosity further. Why would this be such big news if the residents here don't really know about the royal family anymore?

Thanks to my friends Google and Wikipedia, I was able to learn some fascinating information about the Queen and her family. Did you know that Queen Elizabeth is the reigning Head of State of 16 Soverign States? This includes not only the UK but Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, The Bahamas, Grenada, Papa New Guinea, The Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Vincent, Belize, Antigua & Barbuda, and finally Saint Kitts. She is also the Supreme Governor of the Church of England. The Prime Minister holds a weekly meeting with her as she is entitled to give her opinion to him on all government issues. She holds a power known as "Royal Assent" which actually gives her the power to veto proposed legislation. The last queen to do this was back in the 1700s though. BUT, she does hold that power and can exercise it if she wanted to. She is also the Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces. Her personal net worth is estimated at around $500 million dollars. She doesn't actually own Buckingham Palace or the Crown Jewels - those are now owned by the State - but she does have quite a bit of money.

There is no King of England because the Queen's husband, Prince Phillip, is not a UK born citizen. He was born in Greece. Although he is considered the Queen's Consort and does attend all functions with her. He just can't hold the title of King due to birthright. He was born of noble blood though in Greece as his Father is Greek and his mother was Danish royalty.

Prince William is 2nd in line to the throne behind his father Prince Charles. And news about Kate is so widly popular becuase she comes from a middle class family and is not of royal blood. Amazingly the term commoner is associated with her. But if the marriage lasts, she could eventually become the Queen of England. The dress she wore to announce the engagement sells for about $500 dollars. It sold out across England within 24 hours at every store it was at. The media is saying she will dictate fashion just by what she wears, how she styles her hair, etc., for the next several decades.

By all accounts, the noble rites and rituals associated with being in the royal family are considered archaeic, however they are still given credence in today's modern society. The rumor is that is why it has taken so long for William and Kate to announce their forthcoming nuptuals - the royal family wanted to make sure she could handle all the stress that comes with the job of simply being royal.

In the end I think I am most fascinated by the fact that the people here really have ancillary knowledge about what the royal family does yet they are so enthralled with them and I dare so love them. It's all anyone can talk about. Where the wedding will be, who will design the dress, who will pay for the wedding, etc.

I am sure if anyone reads this, you'll wonder why the heck am I writing about this. Quite honestly, it was on my mind and it was something new to me.

Coaching

So Bobby is at a point where his soccer games are more competitive. Just slightly but with the addition of refs to his games the dynamic has changed a bit. This season I am only assistant coaching due to my work travel schedule. I've already discovered this was a mistake and that has nothing to do with the man who is coaching. He is actually a very nice guy and committed to helping the boys learn. I just like being in control I guess.

But my issue I know is going to be with referees. And not just today, but while my kids play sports always.

Today, at Bobby's game, the referee did a lousy job at her job. She did have a whistle with her but I think only blew it 3 times the whole game. For the most part I left her alone but two plays that happened within 5 minutes of each other are what bothered me.

1. She allowed a member of the opposing team (Alien Invaders) to kick the ball out of the goalie's hands while he was on the ground. It was clearly in his hands, the other boy kicked it out and the ref did nothing. So I made a comment that she couldn't allow that to happen simply due to safety. I was professional about it even though the missed call was blatantly obvious.

2. 5 minutes later, the SAME boy from the opposing team kicked the ball out of the hands of the goalie and this time it scored a goal. So I spoke up again and said it was unsafe that she didn't stop the play. How could I protect my goalie when he is doing his job??? I didn't care that the ball scored at all in reality, just that my goalie was put in danger again.

Well the ref apparently felt I was out of line trying to protect my team from getting hurt so she walked over to me and said "I'm doing the best I can, this is my first time center reffing a game. I don't see you out here reffing." Her whole first sentence was fine until she had to get personal with her comments. So I said "I am coaching my team how to play defense and this is a safety issue. The goalie must be protected because he could get hurt if you allow players to kick at the ball while in his hands." She replied "to cut her some slack and allow her to ref the game" "So I said then please use your whistle and blow the play dead when it happens again and call a foul, it's why you are here". She then walked away and that was that.

I felt a bit put out by her comments which were directed at me instead of focused on the game. Granted I can be vocal, well let's be honest, I can be loud, but I will not stop being loud or vocal or anything when something like player safety isn't considered. I don't care if it's your first game as a ref or if you've never seen the game before. It doesn't take a genius to realize that when a player is on the ground holding the ball and someone kicks it out of his hands that is dangerous.

After the game was over she walked up to me and shook my hand and I returned the favor. I apologized sort of...I said "I'm sorry I got vocal but when my players can get hurt I will always speak up". She just turned and walked away. I'm thinking of complaing to the league officials. She never once addressed that she was in the wrong and could do better.

Needless to say, I'm sure this was only the first of many more arguments I will get into with referrers, umpires, whomever. It's just my way I guess. I realized today that I've allowed my competitive side to sort of dim over the years as I've not played any competitive sports. But now that my son playing all those feelings just came right back.

Fat

About 3 months ago and really for the past 3 years, I've been FAT. I hated it but honestly was just too lazy to do anything about it. So I figured I might as well embrace it. And I did. Often I'd have 5,000 calorie days not thinking anything of it nor doing any type of exercise except get up to eat. Granted I do chase my kids around but I don't count that. I weighed 212 pounds! But with all that I had constant headaches and was ALWAYS tired. Any chance I had I wanted to nap. I felt like an old man and realized soon I wouldn't be able to keep up with my kids.

So one day I decided I would take advantage of the $500 a year my company reimburses and buy a gym pass. One visit and that's all it took. I started going to the gym about 5 days a week. I prefer the elliptical machine for 40 minutes on the random hill setting. I burn about 450 calories that way and my heart gets a good work out. I also lift weights after my cardio trying to work out all the muscles I can but not really singling out any one specific muscle. For now, it's all about just building a routine. I've also started running outside about 2 times a week. I run about 4 miles each time. I'm such a slow runner it's terrible. I also have the perfect push up and the Iron Gym at home so I can do push ups and pull ups. Often I do them while on conference calls. That's actually true btw.

With going to the gym I also decided I needed to get my eating under control. So in the beginning, I was literally eating about 1000 calories a day and hating it. But I figured I had the body fat so I wouldn't starve. The weight started to fall off and I really only have had two plateau's this whole time. I now feel like my eating is under control so I balance it out and probably average between 1700 calories a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I'm not a stooge so if I want something I'll eat it. Case in point I pounded Olive Garden the other day for my birthday and came out having eaten 1200 calories in one hour.

But the one thing I just have hated doing and quite honestly have avoided are sit ups. I loathe them. They make me feel like I"m gonna hurl every time I do them. So for these 3 months, I haven't done them. Any of them. Not once. Until this week. I'm in that 2nd minor plateau where I can't seem to drop any more so I felt like I needed to do something different. So I begrudgingly started my sit ups. Just 100 for the first day. Then 200, then 300, now today I'm up to 400. I hate them still But I've noticed that I've started to drop slowly again. Not much but there is a tad bit of movement. Enough to encourage me at least. And maybe I'll get those Taylor Lautner abs. Right now, I have one of his 8 abs.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not obsessed, just enjoying the fact that EVERY singly item of clothing I own no longer fits...at all. If I don't wear a belt, my shorts literally fall off.

So as it stands right now, I'm at 191 pounds. That's a loss of 21 pounds. I want to get down to 175 and then do my best to keep it between there and 180. I don't care how long it takes, I'm enjoying the journey right now trying not to burn myself out so I don't end back up on the couch pounding cookies again.

But this week we are going to the River with some friends and I see the junk food piling up in the corner of the kitchen...could be an interesting week.

BOB

Down he Went

I went to Charlotte, NC this week for work and I had to connect in Dallas. Due to bad weather in Dallas the flight had been diverted to Austin and then back to Dallas when the weather cleared. I was desperately trying to make my flight to get to Charlotte so when we landed I was hustling up the jet bridge to find out if my flight had left yet or not. While walking at a brisk pace up the jet bridge I passed this old guy...probably around 75 years old. Well I thought I gave enough room to get by him but apparently not. He tripped over my shoe and down he went. I didn't even notice and kept going until I heard the very loud "THUD". I turned around and asked someone next to me if I had tripped him and they said yes I did. I felt awful. All the blood drained from my face and my heart started pounding for fear he could be really hurt. I ran back to him and couldn't pick him up on my own so two other men had to help me get him up on his feet. Once he was up I started apologizing profusely...and I mean profusely. I walked him up the jet bridge to make sure he was OK...all thoughts about my connecting flight had left my mind. When we got to the top I asked again if he was alright and he replied "yes I am, but getting old sucks". We parted ways and I sped off to look at the monitors. My flight had left. My punishment for not paying attention and knocking this guy down. So I spent the night in Dallas and took the early flight to Charlotte.

Charlotte by the way is a beautiful city. My colleagues and I had dinner at another colleagues house and it was amazing. Huge house, tons of land, no smog, great weather. I liked it there.

BOB