Regret

It's a hard thing to live with. On the flight over to London yesterday I sat reading the 1st of 3 books written about Theodore Roosevelt. It stirred some feelings in me that I knew were there but for some reason didn't want to address. Fear maybe for what I would find if I did. The main feeling was regret. I pictured as I read the words by this author about the boy Teddy Roosevelt and the amazing things he did with his Dad from hunting, fishing, wrestling, trips to Europe, Middle East, Africa and the pages of wise counsel Teddy Senior would give to his son. The way Teddy Senior raised Junior was to let him be more free instead of trying to contain him. To let him explore and learn and not prescribe a future way of life for him but rather guide and counsel. There were rules and Teddy Senior only had to enforce them every so often to keep all the kids in line.

I've realized I am not this way. I honestly think I take the easy way out. When my children want to try something new, I tell them "No". I often don't give in on any little things ever. I push them into a prescribed pattern of life which suits me better than them, that I fear is cramping their desires to learn, explore and try new things. This has nothing to do with the way I was raised. My parents did have rules but as I reflect back they gave me an amazing amount of freedom to explore and try new things, all within reason. I don't feel like I do that remotely enough for my kids.

My feeling regret doesn't come from me not being involved enough with them. I coach the soccer and baseball teams, I play games, wrestle, read, pretend, laugh, hug, run, hide, joke, console, nurture, counsel and genuinely enjoy spending time with my boys. Despite all this I still have a nasty feeling that in one area of raising my children, a rather important area, I am taking the easy way out. I say "No". I hate this word. HATE it.

The other day, Matt asked for a fruit snack. It was about an hour before dinner so I said "No". He started crying, then the other boys wanted a fruit snack so then it was 3 against 1. I was the bad guy. I told them all "no". Why? Because I could? I hope not. Because I didn't want to get my lazy keester off the couch? Maybe. Or because it's become my way of parenting? Perhaps. I think what irks me the most is my inability to think of a creative solution for them. Hindsight is always great and I realized I simply could have done several things differently instead of just saying no and sending them on their defeated way.

This was but one example where I have resorted to the word "no". It's easy, simple and because I'm Dad my decision stands. Bobby is 6 and a half and soon will get to a point where other things interest him more than me. The twins who seemingly copy all Bobby does will more than likely follow suit sooner than I would like. I know without any doubt that I will feel regret for the rest of my life if I don't change this aspect about how I raise them.

I need to be more creative, get them out more, spend more quality time teaching them than letting the world teach them. I need to be better, more focused on their creative side and allow them to express themselves. After all, it was only a fruit snack. It wouldn't have spoiled dinner. They would have offered to share some with me as they always do. I'm in a pattern that needs a course correction.

I won't be able to live with regret in this one area so I commit to change it now. My time with them is short and I fear I've wasted too much.

BOB